Day 2 & 3

Yesterday was day 2. I don’t know if these days count as I am a weekend drinker so during the week isn’t that difficult for me to give it a miss. I am planning on this to be my first drink free weekend in a long long time. I’m feeling optimistic about it but Saturday is gonna be the real test. I would usually secret drink upstairs & fool my husband into thinking when I sat down to drink with him I had only started. Turns out he had is suspicions. I loved the feeling of calmness after the 2nd 0r 3rd drink I then I would drink until I always fell asleep before the movie we were watching together ended.

Yesterday I told one of my friends. I perform with a dance group & felt I needed to tell them as our shows always involve drinking. The girls are big drinkers themselves. We perform at 2 day long festivals & its party party & this new sober life for me just doesn’t fit onto that. I messaged her & told her I was having problems & self medicating with alcohol. Her response was very supportive & she said she does the same but doesn’t bother hiding it & that she thinks we all party too much. I still feel I am more serious with my problem but I felt she could relate to me.I asked her to tell the others so I didn’t have to do it again. The more honest I am I think the better. I don’t know if I have to cut alcohol out forever. I have been told about The Sinclair Method & I am going to talk to my doctor about it on Monday. One thing is for sure I need to not drink in secret ever again.

Today I started a new job. Its part time which works having a 4 year old boy. The alcohol situation popped into my head a few times. I find myself talking to people & wondering how much do they drink? I’m still on the whole quite positive. This evening my husband talking about one of our friends who would call once a month & we would drink together it hit me that’s a thing of the past & I felt kinda scared by it. What will this guy think too?

Just got to try get through this weekend & I hope I do it!!!

 

Sadie

Author: SadieDee

36 year old married Mother of one child. Alcoholic Use Disorder- in recovery As secret drinker for 13 years. My story of recovery starts here.

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