Day 4- I hit a low

So today I met with my friends who I perform with & had told earlier in the week what I am going through. I wish I hadn’t met them to be honest  as it sent me backwards. Being around them reinforced the thoughts of not being able to have fun as I used to as I am the one with a drink problem although I don’t think they see it that way, from how they were talking I think they think I will be fine in a few weeks. When they left I cried. I felt so low. I was doing so well this week & was trying to be optimistic but this just had a bad effect on me. I had told them my issues but the feeling I get is that they think we all drink too much & that I will be back to myself in a few weeks. If I didn’t perform with these girls in a dance group I think it would be easier but our shows are always booze fused. I’ll have to deal with that. Why do I care so much about this part of my life? Do I need to leave it behind to get better?

I will be discussing The Sinclair Method this Monday with my GP. I think from researching this it would be the way to go for me. I could take the pills & openly drink but have control over my drinking & I wouldn’t feel different or that people know I have a problem. I don’t think it will be easy to get a prescription here in Ireland though so I may have to buy online which is expensive.

Tomorrow for me is the real test of staying sober as I have binged every Saturday & Sunday & sometimes Mondays for the last 12/13 years except when I was pregnant or sick or away with the in laws. I am nearly 37 now & I have to change theses habits for my husband & son & myself. If I make it through tomorrow night sober I will be so proud.

 

Wish me luck!! xx

Author: SadieDee

36 year old married Mother of one child. Alcoholic Use Disorder- in recovery As secret drinker for 13 years. My story of recovery starts here.

2 thoughts on “Day 4- I hit a low”

  1. I know it’s hard. Stay strong and focus on what you will get from sobriety. Do it for your family, but do it mostly for you. You’re still young and have lots of life to live. If you can’t be with your friends without getting down on yourself then you may have to walk away, at least until you’re in a good and strong place mentally and emotionally. Those friends and those activities are triggers for that bad behavior. For those empty drives to numb the outside world.

    You can do it if you’re ready for sobriety. From the sound of it, you are.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you ! I feel I am ready just a bit scared of the future. I do think I may have to pull away from certain social situations with friends. I need to be with myself & my family right now. A simple meeting with my friends yesterday with no alcohol involved caused me anxiety. Thank you for your kind words again. I wish you continued success also.

      Liked by 1 person

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