So today I met with my friends who I perform with & had told earlier in the week what I am going through. I wish I hadn’t met them to be honest as it sent me backwards. Being around them reinforced the thoughts of not being able to have fun as I used to as I am the one with a drink problem although I don’t think they see it that way, from how they were talking I think they think I will be fine in a few weeks. When they left I cried. I felt so low. I was doing so well this week & was trying to be optimistic but this just had a bad effect on me. I had told them my issues but the feeling I get is that they think we all drink too much & that I will be back to myself in a few weeks. If I didn’t perform with these girls in a dance group I think it would be easier but our shows are always booze fused. I’ll have to deal with that. Why do I care so much about this part of my life? Do I need to leave it behind to get better?
I will be discussing The Sinclair Method this Monday with my GP. I think from researching this it would be the way to go for me. I could take the pills & openly drink but have control over my drinking & I wouldn’t feel different or that people know I have a problem. I don’t think it will be easy to get a prescription here in Ireland though so I may have to buy online which is expensive.
Tomorrow for me is the real test of staying sober as I have binged every Saturday & Sunday & sometimes Mondays for the last 12/13 years except when I was pregnant or sick or away with the in laws. I am nearly 37 now & I have to change theses habits for my husband & son & myself. If I make it through tomorrow night sober I will be so proud.
Wish me luck!! xx