So yesterday being Saturday was my trigger day. It is Saturday I am always waiting for all week as I get to drink. It used to be Friday too but I managed to cut that out a good while back. I knew it would be hard. It started out ok every now & then the thought of how I wasn’t going to drink would mean my night would be boring. As the evening drew in it got harder. It hit me hard at about 6pm in the last hour. I had been rehearsing my dance routine like I did most Saturdays & as I finished up the overwhelming urge hit me as usually every week I could look forward to that first drink afterwards while my husband put our son to bed.It’s my ritual on Sat . I wanted that chill feeling. I’m thought sure just go for it I’ll get my prescription on Monday for Nalmefene why put myself through no drink tonight. I put money in my pocket & went to walk the dog as there was no alcohol on the house. I thought I’ll buy some vodka & down some before I got home but I was also afraid my husband would suspect so I left not sure of what I would do.
I walked towards the off licence . Then I thought of my husband who is being so supportive & my promise to myself to never drink in secret again – that is at least over. I was walking towards the off licence & my dog turned off to go a different way & I went with her. I then walked home. Once home I knew I had done it as there was no alcohol in the house.
The evening was ok. I’ll admit it would of been better with my usual hit. We watched a movie ordered food & I got a foot massage. Sounds really nice but it was missing but I did it. I actually did it. I would usually would drink tonight also but I think it wil be easier to not as the craving would be strong if I had of drank last night. I have an appointment with my doctor early tomorrow morning so I also want to have a clear head & at least at that point I can tell her I abstained for a week.
Day 6 today I thought would be easier. The same thoughts came into my head & in the evening the same temptation took over but I didn’t leave the house & I am sitting here at 8pm & sober. I usually binge on Saturday & Sunday & this is the first time in so long I have not drank for the 2 nights. I still would love to be drinking it isn’t easy kicking this habit. I don’t know if I will be as successful next week but I am hoping to get meds from the my doctor to start The Sinclair Method as cold turkey is hard! I still hear the drink saying to me you can just treat yourself on Saturdays but I know when I have that 2nd & third drink I just want to keep going.
This is harder than I thought but I need to keep telling myself this is progress.