Day 2 & 3

Yesterday was day 2. I don’t know if these days count as I am a weekend drinker so during the week isn’t that difficult for me to give it a miss. I am planning on this to be my first drink free weekend in a long long time. I’m feeling optimistic about it but Saturday is gonna be the real test. I would usually secret drink upstairs & fool my husband into thinking when I sat down to drink with him I had only started. Turns out he had is suspicions. I loved the feeling of calmness after the 2nd 0r 3rd drink I then I would drink until I always fell asleep before the movie we were watching together ended.

Yesterday I told one of my friends. I perform with a dance group & felt I needed to tell them as our shows always involve drinking. The girls are big drinkers themselves. We perform at 2 day long festivals & its party party & this new sober life for me just doesn’t fit onto that. I messaged her & told her I was having problems & self medicating with alcohol. Her response was very supportive & she said she does the same but doesn’t bother hiding it & that she thinks we all party too much. I still feel I am more serious with my problem but I felt she could relate to me.I asked her to tell the others so I didn’t have to do it again. The more honest I am I think the better. I don’t know if I have to cut alcohol out forever. I have been told about The Sinclair Method & I am going to talk to my doctor about it on Monday. One thing is for sure I need to not drink in secret ever again.

Today I started a new job. Its part time which works having a 4 year old boy. The alcohol situation popped into my head a few times. I find myself talking to people & wondering how much do they drink? I’m still on the whole quite positive. This evening my husband talking about one of our friends who would call once a month & we would drink together it hit me that’s a thing of the past & I felt kinda scared by it. What will this guy think too?

Just got to try get through this weekend & I hope I do it!!!

 

Sadie

DAY 1 The Secret Is Out

So here goes – My first blog ever!! I’m not the best writer but I have a story I want to share with you. It’s a secret story. It all began back in 2003. Back then I was a girl who started a new relationship with a guy & also shortly afterwards began a relationship with the bottle. I was unconfident I suppose & as much as I was into this guy for some reason I didn’t feel truly comfortable when hanging out with him. One evening when he was due to call around I thought why not have a few glasses of wine beforehand to relax the nerves & it worked

So here goes – My first blog ever!! I’m not the best writer but I have a story I want to share with you. It’s a secret story. It all began back in 2003. Back then I was a girl who started a new relationship with a guy & also shortly afterwards began a relationship with the bottle. I was unconfident I suppose & as much as I was into this guy for some reason I didn’t feel truly comfortable when hanging out with him. One evening when he was due to call around I thought why not have a few glasses of wine beforehand to relax the nerves & it worked

Fast forward to 2017 & I ¬†was still hitting the bottle & hiding them until yesterday. In a drunken haze I revealed everything to my husband last night. Of course he had found the empty bottles hidden in my wardrobe within a few months of us living together but I had convinced him I didn’t have a serious problem by lying. He still suspected but later told me he thought it’s her problem she needs to figure it out. I had continued the habit I started at the beginning of that relationship back in 2003 with the following boyfriend & then my husband. It made me feel confident & well less nervous & I enjoyed it. The difference is in that first relationship it was a toxic relationship. My boyfriend was a difficult person. He didn’t like most people & he was a loner. It was me & him against the world. Sexually he wanted me to do things I wasn’t comfortable with. I couldn’t change him or had the strength to leave him so I used alcohol to help me through it. Everything was easier to tolerate when I was intoxicated.

I decided to write this blog to keep me focused on getting better. To hopefully inspire someone else suffering from the same disease I have. I will be honest & share my journey with you. It’s a scary road but I need to travel on it to reach the desired destination.

All the empty bottles have been tossed aside- no more secrets!

Sadie Dee